Twas the night before the custodial exchange, when all through the house, moms’ and dads’ nerves were stirring, each at their own respective house.
Overnight children’s bags were packed and standing next to the staircase with care,
In hopes that the non-custodial parent would soon call and share they would not be there.
Unfortunately, the holiday season can be the most tense and stressful time for families struggling with child custody dramas. Your vision for Christmas Day is now a distant memory after the judge entered your child custody order. How will you cope this season without seeing your son or daughter on Christmas Day? How do you normally feel when you have to leave the food and laughter around the dinner table early to meet your child’s other parent at the exchange location an hour or two away?
If you are experiencing disappointment, anxiety, and sadness around the holidays because you won’t get to see the look on your child’s face on Christmas morning you are not alone. The reality is that many children may not have the opportunity to spend quality time with both parents throughout the entire winter break. Some may get to spend time with their child for half the day. One year, some may see their child on Christmas, but not Thanksgiving and then the arrangement switches around the next year. It all depends on your unique situation and what the parties and/or judge decided. Whatever custodial arrangement you may have, I have (3) tips for you to get through this holiday season.
#1 - Be positive. Your child may be struggling with the custodial visitation schedule. It’s up to you to change the tone this season and help your child to see this as an adventure and a wonderful opportunity to create a memorable holiday. Take your child to buy a Christmas gift for the other parent and help them wrap it. Consider purchasing a scrapbook for your child to keep pictures of their memories and time with the other parent and help your child put it together when they come back from their visit. Our children feed off of our energy. During the holiday season be on a strict positive energy diet for the entire family.
#2 - Make room for one more guest. I know this is wishful thinking, but think about planning a family field trip during the winter break that includes both parents, their significant other (if applicable), and your child(ren) and have fun. For one day, try not to remember how your ex wronged you and just focus on creating a memory of unity joy, love, and peace for your child during the holidays.
#3 - Make the best with the time you have. Share with your child that they get to have two Christmas Days this year! That would be amazing! Who says that Christmas Day has to be December 25? It wasn’t Jesus. In fact, December 25 appeared on the Roman calendar from AD 336. In light of that, pick your own “Christmas Day” this December and let it snow! You get to control the environment and tone in your home. Use your time wisely and get creative.
We cannot go back in time and change who we decided to go half on a baby with. However, you can plan the time you have in the future. Change the narrative this holiday season. After all, tis the season to be jolly!