How many fathers do you know that have spent entire mornings sitting on a wooden bench in the gallery of a courtroom trying to wait patiently for their name or case to be called? How many times have you heard a man brag about how he takes care of his kids, because he bought his son a new pair of Jordans to wear the first day of school? How many women or girlfriends have you listened to share their disappointments regarding their child’s absentee father neglecting to call their child for weeks, months, and sadly years for some? Recently, I got to sit next to a father in court who was there for the right reasons. He was standing up to be heard. He was present to be accounted for. He was laying down the foundation to protect and enforce his rights as his child’s father. He was ensuring that no one would displace him from his child’s life. He was fighting for justice and for a lifetime relationship with his child. I was so proud to call this man, this father, my client.
He knew how to get in contact with his child’s teacher. He did not have to ask his baby momma about what happened at the pediatrician’s office, because he was there. He’s the type of dad that has contact information for his child’s coach, he possesses his own personal copy of his child’s soccer practices and games. He knows the medications to pack for his child’s weekend visits with the other parent. His child has a secure attachment to him, because he’s a man of his word. The genuine smile on the face of his child lets me know that his child loves and respects her father. This father understands what it means to protect, provide, and support your child.
Protect means maintain healthy boundaries that protect your child emotionally and physically. My husband and I may have our moments when we are like oil and water, but when it comes to protecting his baby boy or girl, my husband DOES NOT PLAY!
Provide means make sure that your children have healthy meals and snacks daily. Provide means your children have clean clothes, safe and secure shelter, and quality education. It is your responsibility to make sure that your child has these things whether they live with you or not.
And finally, support. Many people think of “child support” and money when we use the word support in the context of custody and children. However, support means pick up your child from school. Help your child with his or her homework. Take your daughter to get her hair done. Help your son design and create posters for student government elections. Support means that you step in and fill in the gaps wherever they are needed without an invitation to act.
So, fathers, I implore you…protect, provide, and support your children. When you do you sow peace in your co-parenting relationships. You will reap respect and honor from your child’s mother. And you will have the opportunity to spend more time with your child and less time in a courtroom. Finally, you are making a difference and building a foundation for emotionally strong, healthy, and happy children.