How many of us remember coming home to an empty house after school? How many people out there had parents that asked about their day? Did your parents know the name of your teacher? Did your parents attend your school plays? Did your parents really “know” the adults in your life? Did your parents really know you?
Many children don’t have the benefit of having a stay at home mom or dad. The average parent is required to work 40+ hours in order to “float”; one adult working two jobs or two income households is needed to provide the basic necessities. As a result, many parents are absent. They miss the cues and the warning signs that communicate there is something wrong with your son or daughter internally. Some fathers lack a meaningful relationship with their daughter and don’t know how to interpret her silent cry for help. Emotionally absent parents don’t notice RED, glaring flags being waved by their children when predators are walking through the hallways of their homes after being invited to come through the front doors.
Have you ever noticed that your daughter stays in her room when daddy’s “friend” comes to the house? Have you ever noticed that your son keeps his door closed all the time? When is the last time you told your son or daughter that you love them? If you counted the number of times you commended your child compared to the number of times you criticized your child which number is greater? Some dads are emotionally unavailable and miss their opportunities to affirm their sons. Some moms are too busy working in and outside the home and miss their opportunity to nurture and protect their children emotionally. Parents come home to children and there is no desire to engage that child, because parents are tired. These parents are absent physically and emotionally.
Children with parents who are physically and emotionally unavailable learn to depend on themselves and their friends for emotional support and affirmation. They learn from society and the culture they live in what is “normal” behavior for relationships. If you want help designing an at-risk child here are (7) tips that will help you get the job done:
Seldom tell your child that you love them.
Spend as little time as possible with your child.
Allow anyone you know (friend or family) to spend time alone with your child before teaching them that sexual offenders exists in the world and in the family.
Criticize your child more than you affirm them.
Teach them how to be independent, self-sufficient, isolated children.
Refrain from disciplining your child.
Deprive your child of affection, hugs, and kisses.
Before our children start using drugs and alcohol, or become promiscuous, there were various types of seeds sowed in the home and in their relationship with you (the parent). Yes, there are children born with certain tendencies and biological dispositions towards certain behaviors. However, what we feed our children or fail to provide them contributes to the person they become. Stop and consider how you use your time and energy. Parents are in the business of designing children. What type of child are you shaping and molding today?