One of the most bitter sweet songs of all times is the one written by Boyz to Men, “It’s So Hard to Say Goodbye.” Normally the song is played at funerals. However, the words are apropos to separating from your spouse.
A couples wedding day is one of those events that are recorded permanently in pictures, videos, and with the Clerk of Superior Court in the county where the couple obtained their marriage license. For most, your wedding day is one of the most memorable, life changing events in your life. The wedding day is followed with other major events such as the honeymoon, moving in together, purchasing your first home, the birth of a child, etc. These are memories that we cannot undo or do over. Our spouses become part of our history, they impact our lifestyles, friendships, socioeconomic status, and more. What happens when the passion ends and the marital relationship is damaging your spirit and soul within? How about when your marriage is causing injury to your financial health and security? For some, going to jail for charges of domestic violence is one option to deal with the spouse we now hate with a passion. There are those that feel trapped and break under the stress and the pressure of the marital relationship. Unfortunately, those individuals find themselves being admitted to a hospital as a result of the stress, anxiety, and pressure. Then there’s a group of married couples that come to the realization, before the side effects of a broken and unhealthy marriage become irreparable, that it’s time to say goodbye to their vision of their “happily ever after” and physically separate from their spouse.
Here are (3) there things you MUST know and do when you decide to separate from your spouse:
Have a financial plan in place before you move out of the marital home. Your plan MUST include where you will live and how you will financially support yourself. The spouse that is financially dependent on the supporting spouse assumes that the supporting spouse is obligated to continue supporting him or her. In some instances, that is true. However, if the former spouse does not want to provide the support to the other spouse, then the spouse that needs the support must file a post separation spousal support claim against the other spouse and bring that cause of action before a judge to make a decision on the matter if parties are unable to agree. That legal process may take months to resolve.
Have copies of your financial records and important legal documents in your possession before you leave the house. In a divorce matter, you will be required to provide copies of your bank records, car titles, loan documents, receipts of home repairs and more to settle any claims you may have to personal and real property acquired before and during your marriage. Trying to get these documents can be a hassle and a huge challenge if you no longer have access to the safe at the house where these documents were kept.
Learn to manage your emotions before you make the decision to separate from your spouse and leave the marital home. Human relationships are challenging to work through when there are problems. A healthy marriage relationship is a work of a lifetime to grow and maintain. Marriage requires: (1) prayer; (2) a community of healthy couples that you can trust for wisdom, counsel, and encouragement; and (3) love. No matter what you decide to do with your marriage relationship, please remember to make decisions when you are not emotional. I recommend seeking support from a therapists to work through those though emotions. The divorce process (legally, emotionally, and financially) will test you in ways that you could never imagine. Learning to cope with your loss and separation and manage the myriad of extreme emotions YOU WILL feel is a requirement for healing after your separation and divorce.
Saying good bye to a marriage is not easy. To promote a healthy transition from a “married” status to a “separated” or “single” status, you should have a (1) financial plan, (2) copies of your financial records and important legal documents, and (3) a social support system to help you navigate your separation.
If you are going through a separation or a divorce and need legal counsel, guidance, and support, we at Toussaint Law are here to help you. Give us a call or visit us on-line to learn more about how we support our clients with achieving justice and wholeness.