“Burning Bed” is one of the most memorable movies from my childhood. If this title is before your time, I will just highlight the major points. Farrah Fawcett played the role of Francine Hughes, a housewife and mother, who endured years of emotional, financial, and physical abuse. She was a victim of domestic violence. The family knew it was happening, but remained silent. If my memory serves me correctly, she got her children out of the house one day, and lit her home on fire while her husband was still in the house sleeping. She was arrested and charged with murder. Since that time, I have met numerous women who have walked a mile or two in the shoes of Francine Hughes.
Women who are financially dependent on their spouses for income, food, clothing, and transportation AND have no control over the financial decisions in the home.
Women who are called bitches and disrespected by men who married and promised to cherish them.
Women who are pushed, slapped, and beaten with fists, belts, and sticks.
Women who stay in relationships for years, because they believe they have no options.
I remember one day visiting a specific home while I was hanging out with my beloved uncle. When we arrived at the front door of this home, we heard screaming. We rushed and observed this women who was on the ground faced down, screaming and crying, while her husband held a tight grip of her hair in one hand and a stick in the other. This woman was helpless. In the background was a crying baby. This infant was too young to know what was going on, but instinctively knew he was in danger and he needed to communicate his distress to anyone that had ears and could hear. Unfortunately, as is the case with so many victims of domestic violence, this women remained in that abusive relationship for years.
I have defended both men and women against charges of domestic violence. And I have prosecuted both men and women for domestic violence. One thing is for sure, domestic violence is not unique to any race, culture, religious affiliation, profession, socioeconomic status, or gender. We all have experienced feeling angry. The issue is not the feeling. The issues lay with the decisions we make when we feel angry. A wise man named Solomon once said, “A fool gives full vent to his anger.”
When you are in a healthy relationship with appropriate boundaries it’s a beautiful and wonderful experience. However, if you are in a relationship that is unhealthy (e.g no respect for boundaries, one or both parties lack self-control, etc.) you are bound to need my legal services in the criminal arena sooner or later.
The first step in getting out of an abusive and/or unhealthy relationship is to acknowledge or come to an awareness that the relationship you are in is toxic and be able to first identify your unhealthy and inappropriate behaviors.
Self-awareness is a powerful thing. No one knows you better than YOU! When you stop to reflect on your behaviors, emotions, and mindsets, you are setting in motion positive long term changes in your life and relationships. Anger and a desire to be in SOLE control is a struggle for so many of us. Today, I encourage you to examine your responses and reactions to the individuals that you are in an intimate relationship with and be 100 with YOU.