“Loving you is like a battle. And we both end up with scares.”
“No matter how I think we grow you always seem to let me know it ain’t working.”
“I keep letting you back in. How can I explain myself. As painful as this thing has been I just can’t be with no one else.”
Do these words sound familiar to you? You guessed it. Lauryn Hill’s “X-Factor”. If the truth be told, the lyrics to this song resonated with many of us when it first came out. You find yourself in relationships that hurt you deeply, both emotionally and physically. However, we stay in these dysfunctional relationships. When we think about domestic violence we don’t see ourselves as domestic violence victims, but many of us are. We may be in relationships that are broken and dangerous, but we convince ourselves that we are in relationships with our soulmates. The truth is that your mate is trying to kill, steal, and destroy your soul.
The red flags are glaring in your face, blinding your vision, flashing before your eyes, begging you to WALK away, ABORT the relationship, CUT him off, RUN for your life, but alas, we ignore the signs and continue to travel on a dead end road. We convince ourselves that it is love. News flash…IT’S NOT LOVE. IT’S DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.
Love is a beautiful thing when it’s the real thing. Society makes us believe that love is physical and sexual attraction. Some of us believe that when a man or woman gets a little jealous sometimes, or calls you often to find out where you are and who you are with, that these are signs that he or she is madly in love with you. The truth is that he or she is mad, insecure, and in love with power, control, and dominance.
If you are in a relationship with someone who makes you cry more often than not, it’s time to reevaluate your relationship and adjust your standards and boundaries. In addition, it’s time to start loving yourself and replacing the lies your spouse or partner has shared with you with these truths…you are worthy of respect, love, and freedom. Your life has value. You deserve someone that will care for you and protect you, not harm you. You need someone in your life that will speak words of affirmation in your life and not criticism, rejection, and disapproval.
If you are in a relationship that leaves bruises, scratches, and scares (internally AND externally) there is hope and help for you. Keep the lines of communication open with your family and friends. Don’t shut them out or allow your partner to convince you to isolate yourself from them. Many counties have shelters for battered women and pay for housing. There are organizations that provide free legal services to obtain restraining orders and divorces in some jurisdictions. There is even relocation funds available to assist victims of domestic violence in many counties. Help is out there. All that is required of you is to make a decision. It’s either life or death. What other factors really matter?
